The Trademan’s Entrance

I write this as I wait for my builder to arrive at my house.
If I treated my profession like a tradesman, you wouldn’t have a website. Here’s why:

  • I will arrive early at your office. Nobody is there to let me in, but I’m still “on site”, so I’m still leaving at 4:30;
  • If you ask me to come in a bit later the following day, I will arrive an additional hour late just to be sure, or possibly to teach you a lesson;
  • When we discuss the project, I will use words you don’t understand. When you ask me to clarify, I’ll just repeat the same words again, until you get embarrassed enough to stop asking;
  • The less you understand about my job, the less respect I will give you, and the less helpful I will be;
  • If you aren’t running the right software, God help you! I did say – briefly over the phone a few weeks ago, possibly;
  • If you had recently hired another developer, I will be sure to slag off their work and give you totally different information than you got from them;
  • If the previous developer was from another country I will make racist slurs assuming that you are probably as comfortable with that as I am;
  • I’ll decide when the job is finished. You can disagree, but I’ll do my best to intimidate you into saying everything is fine so I can get to the pub;
  • You will pay me in cash as I am walking out the door on my last day. No 30 day nonsense. And I may not have an invoice “on me”, but I’ll promise to drop one in sometime;
  • If the project takes longer, or is more difficult than expected, I will not work late – you’ll just have to wait!

I am now late for work. Sans builder. But I’m sure it will be fine when I get home at 8pm.